Dark Bilious Vapors

But how could I deny that I possess these hands and this body, and withal escape being classed with persons in a state of insanity, whose brains are so disordered and clouded by dark bilious vapors....
--Rene Descartes, Meditations on First Philosophy: Meditation I

Home » Archives » February 2005 » The Screaming Monkey v Techno-Doggies (Part 1)

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02/18/2005: The Screaming Monkey v Techno-Doggies (Part 1)

This week is Screaming Monkey Teacher's Institute Week...combined with one 'o' those Presidential B-Days. Half -day of school yesterday, NO school today, NO school tomorrow or Sunday, NO school Monday.. Oh, Joy! But I will manage somehow. Luckily for me our DSL router has wireless internet access for me...I can take my PC and ESCAPE the insane office antics if I really need to...and I'm a gonna REALLY need to. %-)

Plus, last Sunday we went from "Responsiblity Month" into "Irresponsibility Sunday" with a MESS in every room of my house...#@%*@...until I finally wrestled those Screaming Monkey's of my own into submission.

So, in honor of that and another Fret-Free-Friday-in-February, here begins the Battle of The Screaming Monkey v. Techno-Doggies stories. If you take a further peek...all my posts today are "battling stories", so I suppose this is also the "Battle Friday."

Were gonna start with: (Part 1): "The Screaming Monkey".

Click on the "more" button to read further. Plus, be sure to cast a vote on "Who Wins"; The Screaming Monkey or those crafty Techno-Doggies, post this in our COMMENT section. ;-)

Gary and Lynda had been not long married and had a small Apartment in Vancouver, B.C. They had no kids -yet- but Lynda had a hankering for a pet. Everything she proposed, Gary VETOed. Dog?....NO. Cat?...NO. Bunny?...NO. Fish?...NO. Bird?...NO.

When she came home and asked Monkey?...Gary just laughed. The very idea was toooo absurd. Sure enough, that very afternoon, he came home and found a Squirrel Monkey living in a cage in his small apartment. "Well, Lynda replied, "You didn't say NO." They had a Monkey!!

Here, in Gary's own words, is one of many Screaming Monkey stories:

"OK, I’ll give you a monkey story but you can’t use my full name.

Lynda and I were going out of town for the week-end and her brother agreed to watch the Monkey. My brother in-law was third in command at the bank branch he was working at and decided to have a dinner party for the manager, the assistant manager and their wives. His home had a combination kitchen family room layout.

The Monkey was in a cage in the family room and guests were most interested in checking it out. Much to my brother in-laws horror the Monkey started to play with himself while being observed by his dinner guests.

“My gosh Robert, what on earth is the Monkey doing?”Asked one of the women? AT this point one of the guys looked over and began laughing hysterically.

“What is the deal here Robert? Have you been training this animal? Is this a Monkey See - Monkey Do event?”

Needless to say my brother in-law would never look after this animal again."

Ahhh...Screaming Monkey's...But luckily...I've heard almost all The Screaming Monkey stories before. (And he reeeally "Screams" in this one too.) So here's one more for the road:

It was time for another 2-week trip for Gary and Lynda...with nobody who would even "consider" babysitting this Monkey...given it's filthy habits and mean temperament. Gary begged his Dad, who relented. But on their first day gone...the Monkey escaped from his Dad's house.

Gary's Dad couldn't hope to catch the little beast as it went swinging from tree branch to tree branch. Plus, it was a snarly begger, and would bite anyone but Lynda who even tried to get near it. They knew it was around the neighborhood tho' cause of the pack of children who would run laughing an screaming following it's progress in the trees and giving it stuff to eat.

When Gary & Lynda got home, his Dad regretfully informed him the Monkey had run off. Before Gary could even rub his hands gleefully or savor the moment in full ...No More Monkey!...the doorbell rang. Some little 8 year old girl was hold said Monkey in her arms while it embracingly clutched at her. Gary was aghast. First, that he now had the Monkey back again. Drat...another plan to rid himself of this beast foiled again. But more to the question of HOW had this little girl been able to get near this creature...and even more astonishingly...PICK him up??

Then he heard the story...

Living in the trees in Vancouver -while it may be some Monkey's Dream - is not all it's cracked up to be. Not like living in the fruit laden trees of Costa Rico or nothing. The Monkey had been rummaging around and foraging these slim pickings for the entire two weeks. It was getting to be a mighty hungry Monkey. This little girls father had just stoked up the barbie, tossed some fabulous cuts of steak on his grille. When he turned his back, the Monkey -who had been watching this from the trees- leaped down on to the grille...thinking he had himself some choice cut of beef for his dinner.

The man heard this loud Screaming, Squealing, Chattering Howls emmanating from the direction of his grille. The Monkey had proceeded to burn his paws on the hot grille. In a hopeless attempt to save his filthy, dirty Monkey feet, he was doing a "Moon Walk" dance on every steak on the grille.

It was because of his "burned tootsies" that he allowed this little girl to pick him up. How she ever found Gary's house or knew that's where the Monkey had come from...is still a mystery. Gary's only concern was expressed this way to the little girl: "Your not gonna tell your Dad where we live are you?" He pictured some angry, irrate, hungry, pissed off neighbor showing up at his door wanting $$$ recompense for his steaks.

So...don't forget to cast a vote as to "Who Wins"; The Screaming Monkey or those crafty Techno-Doggies.

Karen on 02.18.05 @ 05:20 AM CST

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