Dark Bilious Vapors

But how could I deny that I possess these hands and this body, and withal escape being classed with persons in a state of insanity, whose brains are so disordered and clouded by dark bilious vapors....
--Rene Descartes, Meditations on First Philosophy: Meditation I

Home » Archives » February 2005 » From the Karen Files: Books I've Written...But Never Published

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02/06/2005: From the Karen Files: Books I've Written...But Never Published

Checking out Abby’s Blog, I noticed her profile lists a penchant for “Buffy the Vampire Slayer,” which reminded me of all the Books and screenplays I’ve written but NEVER published.

First book: in the early 1990’s I wrote a Screenplay for “Time and Again” by Jack Finney (film rights already owned by some Hollywood studio or another…was supposed to become a movie supposedly starring Robert Redford, but he’s most likely Too Old to play the lead in this movie.)

Mid 1990’s: I wrote “Turning Back the Hands of Time” (A sequel to “Time and Again” since Finney had never written one…but lo’ and behold, Finney finally gets his sequel out…20 years later I might add. And my story concept is WAY BETTER anyway.)

Mid 1990’s: I wrote ”The Destroying Angel” (Figured “screw Jack Finney,” I’ll just re-write my own time travel story and idea. I used the 1893 Chicago World’s fair as the backdrop for my story.)

Late 1998: I wrote a TV Episode for “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” and a two-book series called “The Casket of Cernoeuth.” (Resulting in this reply from Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation):

”Unfortunately, it is (our) policy…not to consider or accept unsolicited ideas or other literary material with respect to ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer.’ Please accept this autographed cast photo as thanks for being such great viewer. Very truly yours, David Goodman, Script coodinator.”

Accompanied by said photo:

buffy3 (93k image)

I’m thinking of adding a webpage for the prologue to this “Casket of Cernoeuth” story. Anyone who wants to read more…well, I’ll have to figure that one out since Len would probably come to Chicago himself and personally “KILL ME” if I start to take up all the kilobytes of space at DBV for this kind of fun but nonsensical stuff. Or revoke my DBV privileges at the very least. LOL

To read more about this story and Angel stuff click on the "more" button

The Casket of Cernoeuth: Originally conceived in 1998…it was updated to include circumstances, events and characters at the point in the show ending Season 6 (after Mrs. Summers dies) but before Season 7th and the end of the series.

The main plot line is that an ancient Sumerian casket is found that can “remove the evil” restoring the humanity to a demon and "capture the devil essence” inside the casket. (The cask is actually the original “Pandora’s box.”) Plans go awry, Angel is made human…but his essence is split and crossed accidentally with Xander…creating Human/Good-Angel melded into Angel’s body with the Good essence of Xander and the Evil/Xander containing portions of Xander’s soul melded with Evil/Vampiric Angel’s essence in Xander's body. The Evil/Vampire-Xander has all the "Vampire strength and power of Angel"...he escapes, reeks havoc, and must be captured/restored to each his own body, by Buffy, the Scooby Gang and Good-Angel/Xander before more lives are lost. New characters are introduced and other assorted fun takes place and the finale leaves open the events for the (as yet unnamed and half-written) sequel.

Note: David Boreanaz: I’ve run across a few interviews (thankfully he’s given relatively few of these) of David Boreanaz; leading me to the inescapable conclusion that “fetching Vampire” he may make…but as an interesting Human-being, he falls woefully short on substance and his “innate qualities” aren’t worth a plug nickel.

The first interview (doubling up with Keri Russell when both were up-and-coming in their series “Angel” and “Felicity,” respectively) Boreanaz had the most clumsy answers. Absurd “searching for the meaning of life and Zen in the universe” responses to questions…it was comical. Keri Russell kept quipping it was “getting deep with David.” I chalked it up to newbie-celebrity. (Was I ever wrong.)

But, many years later…at the demise of the "Angel” series, I caught an interview of him with Sharon Osbourne on her show. Boreanaz proceeded to reveal a most self-centered, shallow, stuck-on-his-own-made-up-image worldview...it was so awful, that it was stunning. I imagined his publicist cringing at allowing this guy access to a camera and a microphone without a prepared script.

Let’s see, if I can recall correctly (cause it wasn’t really memorable except for its stupidity and absurdity of it all…) First he hadn’t brought his wife or young child, but did bring his two dogs (one of whom proceeded to wander the set, lift its leg and piss on all of the furniture, David merely smiled and laughed – what a Putz!!)

Then he referred to his child not as “gift” to both he and his wife…but “something she “gave to him” (presumably barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen slaving over the ‘bear claw’ she was cooking on the Jenn-aire range for his dinner.)

More creepy was his description of sitting next to Diana Ross on some red-eye flight and “petting her hair”…ICK!!

Finally, was his comment that he was “an Italian stud with a “private part” that “scrapes his knees.” This being “hung like a horse” is that which attracted his wife to him. This information of “more than I care to know or believe” about his schwantz was delivered in a feigned, “I can not tell a lie,” manner. The entire audience groaned in repugnance…What a Schmuck!!

Referring to my language lover’s dictionary of words, “In Other Words", this all left me with a feeling of “weltschmerz” (meaning “world-weariness” as an existential pain that leaves you reeling with a damaged head-clutching despair.) 'Nuff said.

Karen on 02.06.05 @ 05:05 PM CST

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Replies: 2 comments

on Sunday, February 6th, 2005 at 6:15 PM CST, mike hollihan said

I also used to write fanfiction (Star Trek, in my case). If your novels are really pretty good, as in possibly publishable for real, try to send the outline and first three chapters to several agents. Then the agent can make submissions to the publishers of the Buffy/Angel pro novels for you. Those submissions will get looked at. It's a lot of work, admittedly, but if you have good work it will pay off.

on Sunday, February 6th, 2005 at 6:34 PM CST, Len Cleavelin said

Ah, lucky for you I had a very, very torrid and physical relationship with a "Buffyholic" (as she called herself) a few years ago, so I'd probably see fit not to kill you personally. As to whether I'd do it by proxy depends on the going price of a hit these days.


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