Dark Bilious Vapors

But how could I deny that I possess these hands and this body, and withal escape being classed with persons in a state of insanity, whose brains are so disordered and clouded by dark bilious vapors....
--Rene Descartes, Meditations on First Philosophy: Meditation I

Home » Archives » November 2005 » Yet More Reasons NOT to Fly...

[« More about that Gluteus Maximus...] [Today's GEM... »]

11/29/2005: Yet More Reasons NOT to Fly...

Here's a few *creative financing* suggestions for those embattled Airlines just trying to break even and make an honest $Buck$:

"Airlines are now charging $1 for trail mix, $2 for a pillow and as much as $99 for a seat in the exit row. That's ingenious. And the Tempo Subcommittee on Flights of Fancy has even more suggestions:

- $1.99 to put your tray in the downright position.

- $5.17 per lap your luggage takes on the conveyor belt before you pick it up.

- Coin-operated TP dispensers.

- $50 to sit next to that hot babe -- on second thought, we'll charge her $100 not to sit next to you.

- $40 to sit in a section where there's no safety regulations presentation (because you know them already).

- $20 to see a movie that doesn't star Ashton Kutcher or Brittany Murphy.

- $7 to keep the partially full Diet Coke can.

- $24 not to sit in front of a child with legs long enough to kick the back of your seat.

- $13 for express access to the toilets.

- $1 for an air sickness bag, if purchased in advance. Once the plane's in the air, they're $15.

- $10 if you sit by the window and have to use the bathroom during the flight.

- $3,000 to put your seat all the way back into the lap of the person behind you.

- $1.98 refund if plane lands without all landing gear properly deployed."

-- Want TP? - That'll cost you. (Chicago Tribune)

And if I thought they were KIDDING, this might actually be FUNNIE!!

[Update: I have my own addition to the above list (and speaking of *burgeoning Gluteus Maximi*) IF you can't fit into a single seat...sorry but you'll have to purchase TWO seats to accomodate you - but maybe we'll allow you twice the luggage?!?]

Karen on 11.29.05 @ 07:25 AM CST

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