Dark Bilious Vapors

But how could I deny that I possess these hands and this body, and withal escape being classed with persons in a state of insanity, whose brains are so disordered and clouded by dark bilious vapors....
--Rene Descartes, Meditations on First Philosophy: Meditation I

Home » Archives » November 2005 » And because we haven't done some college football humor.....

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11/21/2005: And because we haven't done some college football humor.....

in the whole history of this blog, IIRC....

First, this is stolen from BSTommy, but I'm compelled to pass it on because I'm surrounded by Vols fans:

A seven-year-old boy was at the center of a courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him.

The boy had a history of being beaten by his parents, and the judge, in keeping with child custody laws and regulations requiring family unity be maintained to the degree possible, initially awarded custody to his aunt.

The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him worse than his parents, and he adamantly refused to stay with her.

When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they beat him even more severely than any of his other family members.

After considering the remainder of the immediate family's tendencies towards violence, the judge took the unprecedented stop of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.

After several recesses to check legal precedent, to confer with child services, to ponder the issue, this Saturday, the judge finally decided to award custody of the boy to the University of Tennessee football team.

Because they can't beat anybody.
Actually, UT can beat the University of Memphis, though Memphis had to hobble themselves by (apparently) not playing their best player. And, IIRC, UT only barely pulled it off.

And, since I'm inundated by the foolishness of SEC fans around this time of year, I present:
The Great Southeastern Conference Quiz:
  1. Q. What does the average Alabama Player get on his SATs?
    A. Drool.
  2. Q. What do you get when you put 32 Arkansas cheerleaders in one room?
    A. A full set of teeth.
  3. Q. How do you get a South Carolina cheerleader into your dorm room?
    A. Grease her hips and push.
  4. Q. How do you get a Georgia graduate off your porch?
    A. Pay him for the pizza.
  5. Q. How do you know if a Mississippi State football player has a girlfriend?
    A. He has tobacco spit on both sides of his pickup.
  6. Q. Why is the Kentucky football team like a possum?
    A. They play dead at home and get killed on the road.
  7. Q. What are the longest three years of an Auburn football player's life?
    A. His freshman year.
  8. Q. How many Florida freshmen does it take to change a light bulb?
    A. None; it's a sophomore course.
  9. Q. Where was O. J. headed in that white Bronco?
    A. Baton Rouge, Louisiana; he knew that the police would never look for a Heisman Trophy winner at LSU.
  10. Q. Why did Tennessee choose orange as their team color?
    A. You can wear it to the game on Saturday, hunting on Sunday, and picking up trash along the highways the rest of the week.
Ok. That concludes our college football humor for the next couple years, I figure.

Len on 11.21.05 @ 05:42 AM CST

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