Dark Bilious Vapors

From The Official Vincent Gallo Merchandise Website:

Vincent Gallo's Sperm

$1 Million

Price includes all costs related to one attempt at an in-vitro fertilization. 
(A $50,000 value) If the first attempt at in vitro fertilization is unsuccessful, 
purchaser of sperm must pay all medical costs related to additional attempts. Mr. 
Gallo will supply sperm for as many attempts as it takes to complete a successful 
fertilization and successful delivery. Sperm is 100% guaranteed to be donated by 
Mr. Gallo who is drug, alcohol and disease free. If the purchaser of the sperm 
chooses the option of natural insemination, there is an additional charge of 
$500,000. However, if after being presented detailed photographs of the purchaser, 
Mr. Gallo may be willing to waive the natural insemination fee and charge only for 
the sperm itself. Those of you who have found this merchandise page are very well 
aware of Mr. Gallo's multiple talents, but to add further insight into the value 
of Mr. Gallo's sperm, aside from being multi talented in all creative fields, he 
was also multi talented as an athlete, winning several awards for performing in 
the games of baseball, football and hockey and making it to the professional level 
of grand prix motorcycle racing. Mr. Gallo is 5'11" and has blue eyes. There are 
no known genetic deformities in his ancestry (no cripples) and no history of 
congenital diseases. If you have seen The Brown Bunny, you know the potential size 
of the genitals if it's a boy. (8 inches if he's like his father.) I don't know 
exactly how a well hung father can enhance the physical makeup of a female baby, 
but it can't hurt. Mr. Gallo also presently maintains a distinctively full head of 
hair and at the age of 43 has surprisingly few gray hairs. Though his features are 
sharp and extreme, they would probably blend well with a softer, more subtly 
featured female. Mr. Gallo maintains the right to refuse sale of his sperm to those 
of extremely dark complexions. Though a fan of Franco Harris, Derek Jeter, Lenny 
Kravitz and Lena Horne, Mr. Gallo does not want to be part of that type of 
integration. In fact, for the next 30 days, he is offering a $50,000 discount to 
any potential female purchaser who can prove she has naturally blonde hair and blue 
eyes. Anyone who can prove a direct family link to any of the German soldiers of the 
mid-century will also receive this discount.Under the laws of the Jewish faith, a 
Jewish mother would qualify a baby to be deemed a member of the Jewish religion. 
This would be added incentive for Mr. Gallo to sell his sperm to a Jew mother, his 
reasoning being with the slim chance that his child moved into the profession of 
motion picture acting or became a musical performer, this connection to the Jewish 
faith would guarantee his offspring a better chance at good reviews and maybe even a 
prize at the Sundance Film Festival or an Oscar. To be clear, the purchase of Mr. 
Gallo's sperm does not include the use of the name Gallo. The purchaser must find 
another surname for the child.

If the purchaser of the sperm chooses the option of natural insemination, there is an additional charge of $500,000.

Len on 11.08.05 @ 11:40 AM CST