Dark Bilious Vapors

But how could I deny that I possess these hands and this body, and withal escape being classed with persons in a state of insanity, whose brains are so disordered and clouded by dark bilious vapors....
--Rene Descartes, Meditations on First Philosophy: Meditation I

Home » Archives » October 2005 » Another Funnie GEM from Bill Maher

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10/11/2005: Another Funnie GEM from Bill Maher

Bill Maher did a funnie on his Real Time Show about the US Government Consevation Energy Hog [a piece Sooo hokey even Andrew Sullivan thought it was a Gag-spoof.]

Bill Maher: Mr. Don't-Go-Changing did a complete 180 on conservation. He has been against conservation from the beginning. Suddenly the Bush administration, as always – they always do the right thing after the thing that they want to do is completely blocked – but they're, of course, the let's-not-and-say-we-did administration. So instead of real policies on conservation, they came up with this mascot. Look at this. [holds up card with mascot logo] This is the Energy Hog. Piggy the Energy Hog. And he says things like, you know, “Carpool,” and “wear a sweater.”

AFFLECK: That can't be true.

MAHER: That's real.

SULLIVAN: Did you – did you make that up?

MAHER: I'm not kidding. This is what the Bush administration gave us this week.

AFFLECK: Jesus Christ.

MAHER: That is – I'm making up “Piggy,” but he—

AFFLECK: George Bush's brother-in-law runs that department.


SULLIVAN: There's one test of whether they're serious about conservation. That's if they add a dollar to the gas tax.

MAHER: Right.

AFFLECK: Of course.

SULLIVAN: That's the only thing that will do it. And they won't touch it.

MAHER: No, no.

SULLIVAN: They won't touch it with a ten-foot pole.

MAHER: What they do is come up with more mascots. [laughter] [holds up more cards and reads them] Here's “Freddy, the FEMA Catfish.” [laughter] Reminding black folks in the flood plain, “Keep those bus tickets handy.” [laughter] The Department of Agriculture has come up with the “MC Mad Cow,” reminding you that, “What you don't know won't kill you, so stop asking about the hotdogs.”

Here's – oh, the border patrol has come up with Pepe, the Chihuahua. He says, “Ask your cleaning lady to stop telling your relatives how great America is.”

Here's the Social Security Seal, Sammie. [laughter] He says, “Dog food doesn't taste bad with A-1 Sauce.”

And finally, my favorite, from the DEA, “Dora, the DEA Donkey” says, “Help stamp out cocaine smuggling. Try crystal meth. It's made in the USA.”

And there was this GEM from Salman Rushdie:
RUSHDIE: Well, I've been – I've been worrying about God a little bit lately. You know, it seems as if he's been lashing out, you know, destroying cities, annihilating places. [laughter] And it seems like he's been in a bad mood, you know. And I think – I think it has to do with the quality of lovers he's been getting.

MAHER: [laughs] That's right. It's not like Leda and the Swan anymore, right.

RUSHDIE: You know, if you look at the people who love God now, you know, if I was God, I'd need to destroy something.

Karen on 10.11.05 @ 05:19 PM CST

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