Dark Bilious Vapors

we receive word of this: COMPASSIONATE CONSERVATISM IN ACTION: FIRST MOMMY BARBARA BUSH RELEASES "HOUSTON FOR THE UNDERPRIVILEGED" TOUR GUIDE

BARBARA BUSH: Attention Great Unwashed Refugees of New Orleans! You know, this truly is the perfect time of year for you downtroddens to spend a few months vacationing in Houston while your homes are bulldozed into the Gulf. After all, it is so hot and miserable here that most normal folks will be indoors, so your unsightly loitering will barely be noticed! Honestly, I'm not sure which so-and-so invited you people, but now that you are here – which is sort of scary – I guess I might as well grit my dentures and wish you a "Happy Temporary Welcome to Texas!" Trust me: you'll love it so much here, you won't want to leave when we force you out!

Anyway, until then, here are some accommodations I suspect you'll probably like:



1. Overpasses: Featuring some of the most epically congested traffic in the nation, Houston has among the best overpasses you can unroll your sleeping bag or park your shopping cart under. With Tommy "Teflon" DeLay's constituents driving Beemers and Jags, you won't find any federally funded mass transit here. Most overpasses sport at least 20 lanes, so leaks are kept to a minimum, meaning standing puddles and hallucinating Catholics are as well. You'll wake up with fewer mosquito bites than you would riding the St. Charles trolley to the mansions you used to clean. Rats are a different matter, but I've heard that if you keep the fatback at least six feet from your bedding, you should be OK. And Houston rats don't have that pesky cholera.

Len on 09.13.05 @ 07:58 AM CST