02/20/2005: RBI's of the FF&B's
Maureen Dowd...twice in one day you ask?...Well, I was playing catch-up on my reading.
Today's Spring Baseball "eye opener" is called Where's the Road Beef?.
"We got a brutal glimpse into the thinking of a certain segment of the male species
....We also got a scalding peek into the locker room mentality in Jose Canseco's new book, "Juiced." In a segment called "Slump Busters," Mr. Canseco writes: "As everyone knows, baseball players are very superstitious. Players who are struggling start talking about how they need to go out and find something to break their slump. And often enough it comes out something like this: 'Oh my God, I'm 0-for-20. I'm going to get the ugliest girl I can find and have sex with her.' "
Mr. Canseco nobly points out that he never stooped to this tactic. "I'd rather go 0-for-40," he protests. But he tattled that many of his fellow athletes did seek out "slump busters."
What a lovely term used by our sports heroes, our boys of summer. "It could mean the woman was big, or ugly, or a combination of both," Mr. Canseco explains. He said that golden boy Mark Grace, the former Chicago Cubs first baseman, who seems like the kind of nice guy and good sport you'd want to bring home to mom, defined a slump buster as making out with the "fattest, gnarliest chick you can uncover."
And so are the many FF&B's uncovered in these Beefy Nighmare stories. Yuk!
Karen on 02.20.05 @ 06:47 AM CST