Dark Bilious Vapors

But how could I deny that I possess these hands and this body, and withal escape being classed with persons in a state of insanity, whose brains are so disordered and clouded by dark bilious vapors....
--Rene Descartes, Meditations on First Philosophy: Meditation I

Home » Archives » February 2005 » GOLF Dreams

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02/16/2005: GOLF Dreams

I know it's early in the Golf Season (at least here in Chi-ca-gah...Punxatawny Phil and his six more week of winter...Bleh!!) But, for some of us the FUN never sleeps on the Putting Green, nor Tee Box neither. We just find ways to keep coming back to GOLF.

I only bring this up cause I'm trying to plan a Florida trip with Charlie to enjoy some golf with his brother & wife (Don & Geri). This is the start of some round-robins of the men playing at GOLF Invitational's at their respective GOLF clubs...and a few Boys GOLF weekends (the four brothers and their dad, Mac) thrown in for good measure. See...both my husband and I are very invested in keeping each other in "the style of living to which we have grown accustomed"...and that includes lots of GOLF.

Now, I'm not gonna bore ya here...So, only if you really like GOLF...or maybe play GOLF or you just want to know more about how insane I am about GOLF, click on the "more" button, and read on...

The most important thing about GOLF is that some of the best Primo Real Estate in the US...maybe even in the whole world is devoted to the sport. Though the Afghanistan Golf Course looks kinda suckie...as these pictures show.

Afghangolf11 (33k image) Afghangolf22 (30k image)

But most of them are really very nice. Aside from the mental craft of "perfecting the ultimate game that keeps ya coming back for more" aspect of GOLF...is that it's the best damn 4-5 hour walk in the most beautiful woods EVER.

{I am a mostly "nature girl" (though I am a getting "older by the minute" on my achy-back and knee joints.) And someday I will tell you some great stories of two-week trips in the Quetico (Canadian side of the boundary water) 2-mile canoe portages, weeks of NO one else around...Lake Trout, Walleye, Rock Bass, Northern the size of...really BIG FISH... that would make yer mouth water just to think of them sizzlin in a hot pan 'o' butter, fly fishing, herpetologists, the purple fringed orchids, MOOSE, and stuff. (I am a most "nature trivia" person too...cause I watch all that stuff too...sharks excepted.)}

But back to GOLF...Robin Williams did the most funny and excellent stand-up monologue ever about "How GOLF Was Invented"...a couple years ago. If I can locate a transcript...or write one up for it (tooo funny)...I'll post it at a future date.

But I am addicted to GOLF for many reasons:
(1) Walk in lovely woods;
(2) sport that I can play till I'm 90..not many sports qaulify for us "getting older by the minute folks"
(3) I can play with Charlie...5 hour or so of togetherness is great...No "Golf Widow" here.
(4) Personal Rules are simple for Hubby-Wife GOLF
- He's not allowed to tell me what shot to play (nor I him) cause guys play an entirely different game from gals. (What they can craft with an eight iron in distance and possibilities...don't cut it with a five-wood I'd have to hit....Nuff said.)

(5) constant challenge of the "Parts" of the game; i.e.:
a) getting off the tee.
b) staying on fair way - long game
c) getting on the green - short game
d) putting
e) specialty shots.

I, on the other hand play things like:
* "Shoot myself in the foot" (Get on the green in two...and four putt from 2 feet), or
* "Rescue Ball" (getting our the trouble you just put yourself in); or
* My personal fav is: "Whip-Cream-On-Shit"
(This is when you sink some eighty-foot one putt over hills and dales...after the 8 shots over par it took to get you there) and sometimes...

* "Rarely" I play Golf. (Mostly good hole, bad hole, very baaaad hole...etc...until the Wheels Fall Off my game.)
* Finally...it's the chance to berate myself at a too fast and strong putt with "Whoa, slow her down to Warp 5, Number One"...a la Capitaine Picard.

Though I always cheerfully declaim that I just KNOW I have a game waiting somewhere in my future! I do love it.

Sorry you if don't play...mighta been a reason (among others) to some day play 18 together...but there's always the 19th hole. *wink*

Other comedian's "Love this Game of GOLF" too...not to Play of course, but to make FUN of:

George Carlin {Hats off to Len here...tho' he don't play :-( } has got a great monologue on GOLF:

Basically, a dull, boring game to watch ("Have you
ever seen golf on television? It's like watching flies fuck. Frankly, I get
more excited picking out socks."), a kinda dumb premise ("How much brains
does it take to get enjoyment out of this: You hit a ball, with a crooked
stick, and then.... you walk after it. And then, when you find it, what do
you do? YOU HIT IT AGAIN!!!! I say pick it up, asshole; you're lucky you
found it in the first place!"), and a waste of real estate ("You know how
we can solve the problem of homelessness in this country? Convert all the
golf courses into housing developments for the homeless.")

Karen on 02.16.05 @ 11:52 AM CST

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February 2005

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