Dark Bilious Vapors

But how could I deny that I possess these hands and this body, and withal escape being classed with persons in a state of insanity, whose brains are so disordered and clouded by dark bilious vapors....
--Rene Descartes, Meditations on First Philosophy: Meditation I

Home » Archives » January 2005 » Strokes of Loofah Genius

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01/31/2005: Strokes of Loofah Genius

Bill "Loofah" O'Reilly is "at it" again...deliberately misquoting Barbara Boxer's questioning of Dr. Rice during her recent Senate Confirmation hearing. According to transcripts, Mr. Loofah referred to Boxer as questioning Rice's "respect for the "troops", when in point of fact (and I saw the hearings live on C-Span) Boxer had said,

"I personally believe ... that your loyalty to the mission you were given, to sell this war, overwhelmed your respect for the truth..."

I still think Fox News has missed a Golden Opportunity here, as I suggested awhile ago in this piece called Strokes of Loofah Genius:

After reading the salacious amended complaint filed against Bill O'Reilly by Andrea Mackris, I have been wondering what's FOX to do with this cash-cow icon? (FYI the $60 million sought by Mackris was not arbitrarily chosen, but based on the one-year net profits from "The Factor".) Regardless of their out of court settlement, Mr. O'Reilly never denied the language (potentially archived on tapes) attributed to him in the complaint other than to say, "I'm not a victim. I'm just a stupid, stupid guy."

So, here's my stroke of genius: FOX can get double for the price of one. It can keep Bill O'Reilly, Mr. Morals Policeman, fighter for the little guy, social conservative and family values man, pundit against the wild-eye-liberals; but then it can offer the alternate Bill O'Reilly as a replacement for the vacuum to be created by Howard Stern's, Mr. Shock Jock, defection to cable radio.

Bill O'Reilly has demonstrated that he can be pervertedly offensive with the best of them. He can just present his alter-ego, unleashed, unchained, let-his-hair-down personality and…voila, the perfect replacement for Howard Stern. Then Mr. O'Reilly can indulge in his more "personal side" by replacing phone sex with radio sex…and for millions of listeners. If he wants to spank a stripper on air, or play his depraved games of "loofah," it can satisfy his clearly (and often) unsatisfied longing to do so. Best yet, it can all be done above board, on the air and save on annoying those pesky female co-workers sensitivities.

So, FOX don't fire him, just double market him. It isn't often you get a two-fer like this…they don't come around everyday.

Karen on 01.31.05 @ 07:31 PM CST

Replies: 2 comments

on Monday, January 31st, 2005 at 8:39 PM CST, Len Cleavelin said

Stung by Stern's signing with Sirius Satellite Radio, XM Satellite Radio (what I subscribe to, and the satellite radio service of Major League Baseball; those two facts are NOT unrelated :-) ) has acquired the rights to another unfunny loudmouthed NYC morning show: Opie and Anthony (you may remember them; they're the ones that got disciplined for hosting the "contest" that provoked a couple to have sex in St. Patrick's Cathedral in the hopes of winning some bucks).

Frankly, I'd consider occasionally tuning into O'Reilly as a shock jock, and I wish XM would hire him in lieu of Opie and Anthony.

Then again, I've never gotten what people see in Stern, either.

on Tuesday, February 1st, 2005 at 5:09 AM CST, Karen McLauchlan said

Ditto on Stern. Charlie finds him funny on occasion...the first time he heard Stern, the show was called "Stripper Butt Bongo"...and Charlie howled with laughter at the pretense.

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