Dark Bilious Vapors

But how could I deny that I possess these hands and this body, and withal escape being classed with persons in a state of insanity, whose brains are so disordered and clouded by dark bilious vapors....
--Rene Descartes, Meditations on First Philosophy: Meditation I

Home » Archives » November 2004 » Thought for the Day:

[« Holy fuck!] [I suppose you have to admire consistency.... »]

11/16/2004: Thought for the Day:

Most sports fans know who Kris Benson is. For those who don't, he's a pitcher for the Pittsburgh Pirates with a career record of 43-48. [see update below the fold --LRC] He's also the same guy my buddy Tyler drafts every season in our fantasy baseball league... claiming he's poised for a breakout season. But most impressively, he's married to maybe the coolest chick on the planet: Anna Benson.

A quick rundown of some of the personal info on her official website, AnnaBenson.net:

Anna lists kickass flicks like
A Clockwork Orange, Scarface, The Godfather, and From Dusk 'til Dawn among her favorite movies. She reads Maxim and FHM. Two of her favorite TV channels: CNN and ESPN, which means you can talk to her about anything going on in the world and she won't give you a blank stare. Not only is she up to date on current events, she's also well read - listing nine books as her favorites. Off the top of my head, I can't think of nine books I've read - let alone tell you which ones I liked the most. When trying to list her favorite foods, she simply states "I love it all!" So you know she won't go Mary-Kate on you.

And yet, all that ass-kickery pales in comparison to her two most glorious features as a woman:

1. She's really hot.

2. She loves sex.

I'm telling you right now, ladies: if you possess both of those traits and you're not married by the age of seven, you're either one hell of a bitch or you have some unbelievable, erotic turnoff. Like being unable to control your bowels during orgasm.

Note: since this little observation was drafted, Kris Benson was traded by the Pirates to the New York Mets during the 2004 season, and he's filed for free agency this offseason. His career record, after the 2004 season, is 47-53.

Benson's had an interesting career. His first two seasons he's been a losing pitcher but if you disregard his win-loss record he didn't post particularly bad stats, with an ERA in the high 3's and Runs Saved Above Average (RSAA) figures in the double digits (which makes him, in my estimation, good but not dominant):

YEAR TEAM         AGE  W   L   PCT   ERA  RSAA
1999 Pirates 24 11 14 .440 4.07 11
2000 Pirates 25 10 12 .455 3.85 17

He missed the 2001 season (an interview with his wife, Anna, at FHMUS.com, indicates that he has had Tommy John surgery, so most likely that accounts for the missing 2001 season), after which he has a winning season in 2002, but his stats indicate that he's been a bit less effective than he was in his first two seasons in the bigs (ERA hovering in the mid-to high 4's, and RSAA's in the negative range, which means that he's actually been costing his teams a few runs over the course of the season):

YEAR TEAM         AGE  W   L   PCT   ERA  RSAA
2002 Pirates 27 9 6 .600 4.70 -5
2003 Pirates 28 5 9 .357 4.97 -9
2004 Pirates 29 8 8 .500 4.22 -1
Mets 29 4 4 .500 4.50 -2
2004 TOTALS 29 12 12 .500 4.31 -3

I'd be curious as to when he married Anna; do we have statistical evidence here that marrying a hot wife isn't exactly conducive to keeping one's pitching skills at a high level (i.e., if he married her after the 2000 season)?


More likely, of course, the statistical decline has more to do with the TJ surgery (or the underlying injury that required it). Not exactly a complete recovery, to judge by the numbers, but then again I suppose from Benson's perspective the Good News is that he can make a damn good living pitching major league ball at all, even if his numbers aren't exactly stellar.

Len on 11.16.04 @ 07:45 AM CST


Replies: 5 comments

on Tuesday, November 16th, 2004 at 11:18 AM CST, Roboto said

As a Met fan, I am big fan of Kris Benson's wife.

Her and Jose Lima's wife.

And probably most of the rich baseball players' wives.

on Tuesday, November 16th, 2004 at 11:42 AM CST, Len Cleavelin said

Yes, Mrs. Lima is awesome.... If they'd have shown more of her I could have even taken losing to the Dodgers in the NLDS. :-)

on Tuesday, November 16th, 2004 at 1:23 PM CST, Roboto said

I say they let him sing the National Anthem every night. You've seen that picture of her, right?

on Tuesday, November 16th, 2004 at 4:17 PM CST, Len Cleavelin said

Sure have. Though I wish I'd downloaded it (a baseball blog I read regularly had linked to it somewhere on the Web). Maybe I need to try a Google image search...

on Tuesday, November 16th, 2004 at 10:06 PM CST, roboto said

we have a link to it on our site. I'll post here when I find it.

New Comment

November 2004

Archives of Blogger site

Powered by gm-rss

Len's sidebar:
About Len (The uncondensed version)
Memorial to a dear friend
Frederick W. Benteen
The Web of Leonards
The St. Louis Cardinals
The Memphis Redbirds
The St. Louis Browns
The Birdwatch
Hey! Spring of Trivia Blog
BlogMemphis (The Commercial Appeal's listing of Memphis blogs)
The Guide to Life, the Universe, and Everything

Len's extended blogroll:

Brock's Sidebar:
About Brock
Boing Boing
Crooked Timber
Dispatches from the Culture Wars
Heretical Ideas
John and Belle Have a Blog
Jon Rowe
Letters of Marque
Literal Minded
Marginal Revolution
Matthew Yglesias
Oliver Willis
Political Animal
Positive Liberty
Signifying Nothing
Unqualified Offerings

Karen's Sidebar
About Karen
The Ig-Nobel Prizes
The Annals of Improbable Research
The Darwin Awards
EBaums World
Real Clear Politics
U.S. News Wire
Foreign Affairs
The Capitol Steps
Legal Affairs
Nobel Laureates for Change
Program On International Policy
Law of War
Sunday Times
Media Matters
Is That Legal?
Andrew Sullivan
Literal Minded
Jon Rowe
Freespace Blog
Thought Not
Publius Pundit
Blog Maverick
Rosenberg Blog
Crooked Timber

The Rocky Top Brigade:

Rocky Top Brigade Sampler

A New Memphis Mafia

The liberal alternative to Drudge.

Get Firefox!

Cardinals Countdowns:
Days until pitchers and catchers report:
Your browser doesn't support Java applets.

Days until first Grapefruit League game (3/3/05; @ NYM):
Your browser doesn't support Java applets.

Days until Opening Day (4/5/05; @ HOU):
Your browser doesn't support Java applets.

Days until Home Opener (4/8/05; vs. PHI):
Your browser doesn't support Java applets.

How many visitors are here:

Blogrings/Blog indexes/Blog search:
« ? Verbosity # »

Listed on Blogwise
Popdex Citations
Blog Search Engine

Greymatter Forums
template by linear