10/06/2004: Sad news....
Rodney Dangerfield dead at 82.
I tell you, with my doctor, I don't get no respect. I told him, "I've swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills." He told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.UPDATE: In praise of Rodney Dangerfield. And check out his story about sending an email copy of that post to Dangerfield himself.
When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, "We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again."
With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm very sorry. We did everything we could...but he pulled through."
I come from a stupid family. During the Civil War my great uncle fought for the west!
My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.
My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
Once when I was lost I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't know kid. There are so many places they can hide."
I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor. They sent a priest up to talk to me. He said, "On your mark..."
I went to a massage parlor. It was self service.
If it weren't for pick-pocketers, I'd have no sex life at all.
I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said, "No, I hate myself now."
During sex my wife always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
A travel agent offered me a 21 day special. He told me I would fly from New York to London. Then from Tokyo back to New York. I asked him. "How am I supposed to get from London to Tokyo?" He told me, "That is why we give you 21 days."
I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes. And I tell ya I got no confidence in the pilot. When he makes a left turn he puts his hand out.
They say, "Love thy neighbor as thy self." What am I supposed to do? Jerk him off too?
I love those little connections with one's idols.
Len on 10.06.04 @ 06:35 AM CST