Dark Bilious Vapors

But how could I deny that I possess these hands and this body, and withal escape being classed with persons in a state of insanity, whose brains are so disordered and clouded by dark bilious vapors....
--Rene Descartes, Meditations on First Philosophy: Meditation I

Home » Archives » August 2004 » Apropos of an earlier post....

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08/12/2004: Apropos of an earlier post....

The idea here is stolen in part from Vivalalesley (blogroll: link labeled "Well I think I'm funny"; one of my regular reads for the sheer voyeuristic thrill, though I don't know if I'll continue after she moves to Nashville, since I need more guidance on the Memphis weltanschaung, not Nashville....). My personal comments in boldface:

You Know You're From Missouri When...

Everyone in your family has been on a "Float trip." Well, I've been on one, and my brother the redneck has, but I'm not sure about Dad. Mom? Never, and I'm sure nobody else in the family has.

"Vacation" means driving to Silver Dollar City, Worlds of Fun or Six Flags. For a while in my childhood, "vacation" meant driving to visit my aunt (mom's sister) in Chattanooga, TN. Later on, "vacation" meant staying at home, with Six Flags being something to do during that period (but since we lived in St. Louis, going to Six Flags St Louis (or Six Flags Over Mid-America as it's been known for most of my life) wasn't a big deal. Obviously.

Down south to you means Arkansas. Actually, it meant Tennessee, because of the abovementioned aunt and the yearly visits.

The phrase, "I'm going to the Lake this weekend," can mean only one thing. Absof*ckinglutely.

You know what "Party Cove" is. (If you know where, you are a boating party animal) Know what it is? Back when I was working for the St. Charles Juvenile Office, I had a line on purchasing a "Party Cove" T-shirt. Then again, that's because one of the supervisors there was a boating party animal.

You think Missouri is pronounced with an "ah" at the end. Actually, I pronounce it with a "ree" at the end (most of the time), but I may be anomalous. I've read somewhere that this is a regional thing around the state; "ah" vs. "ree" should give you a basis for concluding (to a high degree of accuracy) where in the state a Missouri native was born.

You know in your heart that Mizzou can beat Nebraska in football. I never got into Mizzou football, so this isn't a big thing w/me. The only reason I'd like Mizzou to stomp Nebraska into dust is because Huskers fans are so damned obnoxious.

You think I-44 is spelled "foarty-foar." (St. Louis Only) Nope.

You'll pay for your kids to go to college unless they want to go to KU. ?

You know that Concordia is halfway between Kansas City and Columbia, and Columbia is halfway between St. Louis and Kansas City, and Warrenton outlet mall is halfway between Columbia and St. Louis. Not true for me w/rt Concordia, though I do remember it. True for me w/rt Columbia and Warrenton, however.

You can't think of anything better than sitting on the porch in the middle of the summer during a thunderstorm. Actually, laying naked in bed with a member of the opposing sex during a middle of summer thunderstorm is even better.

You know that Harry S. Truman, Walt Disney and Mark Twain are all from Missouri. Well, sorta. Walt's not a native; he was born in Chicago, but he did begin his professional life in Kansas City.

You know what "cow tipping" or "Possum Kicking" is. Only by reputation.

You think "frog gigging" should be an Olympic sport. I think the Olympics suck, frankly, so I don't give a damn if they add frog gigging or not.

You think Imo's is larger than Pizza Hut. Not bigger. Just better. MUCH better.

You can tell the difference between a horse and a cow from a distance. Of course. Can't everyone?

You don't put too much effort into hairstyles due to wind and weather. Actually, I don't put too much effort into hairstyles out of sheer laziness.

There's a tornado warning and the whole town is outside watching for it. May be true outstate; I've never known it to happen in St. Louis.

The local gas station sells live bait. See preceding comment.

Little smokies are something you serve on special occasions. See preceding comment.

All your radio preset buttons are country. Country is crap. My presets when I was living in St. Louis were KWMU (was classical music/NPR; moved to talk/NPR while I was in grad school), KSHE (John Ulett, legendary on-air personality there as well as official Busch Stadium announcer, was a high school classmate), KFUO (classical music), and maybe another classic rock station (trouble was that so many stations changed format that it was difficult to keep them straight).

You know enough to get your driving done early on Sundays before the Sunday drivers come out. Again, may be true outstate but not in St. Louis, and I suspect not in Kansas City proper, either.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Missouri. Well, I sort of get them, but the majority aren't true, and really don't resonate with me. St. Louis is more of a world unto itself; there was a time during my life where someone floated a "ha ha only serious" proposal that St. Louis should secede from the state of Missouri and petition for admission as the 51st state. One could do an entire "You know you're from St. Louis when....." series. Maybe I should work on that in my copious free time....

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Len on 08.12.04 @ 09:17 AM CST

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August 2004

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