06/09/2004: Iraq-themed Chicken Joke, Part II
You should have figured that someone'd add to it.
Just because I can here's the original list from Juan Cole:
Why Did the Chicken cross the Road?
Coalition Provisional Authority:
The fact that the Iraqi chicken crossed the road affirmatively demonstrates that decision-making authority has been transferred to the chicken well in advance of the scheduled June 30th transition of power. From now on the chicken is responsible for its own decisions.
We were asked to help the chicken cross the road. Given the inherent risk of road crossing and the rarity of chickens, this operation will only cost the US government $326,004.
The chicken was a tool of the evil Coalition and will be killed.
US Army Military Police:
We were directed to prepare the chicken to cross the road. As part of these preparations, individual soldiers ran over the chicken repeatedly and then plucked the chicken. We deeply regret the occurrence of any chicken rights violations.
The chicken crossed the road, and will continue to cross the road, to show its independence and to transport the weapons it needs to defend itself. However, in future, to avoid problems, the chicken will be called a duck, and will wear a plastic bill.
The chicken was not authorized to cross the road without displaying two forms of picture identification. Thus, the chicken was appropriately detained and searched in accordance with current SOP's. We apologize for any embarrassment to the chicken. As a result of this unfortunate incident, the command has instituted a gender sensitivity training program and all future chicken searches will be conducted by female soldiers.
The chicken was forced to cross the road multiple times at gunpoint by a large group of occupation soldiers, according to eye-witnesses. The chicken was then fired upon intentionally, in yet another example of the abuse of innocent Iraqi chickens.
We cannot confirm any involvement in the chicken-road-crossing incident.
Chicken he cross street because bad she tangle regulation. Future chicken table against my request.
U.S. Marine Corps:
The chicken is dead
Of course, you hadda figure that there'd be additions to the list (source--comments on a post at South Knox Bubba):
There are known chickens and unknown chickens and known roads and unknown roads . . .
The chicken is an undercover CIA operative.
Pssst, Ayatollah! I have it on very high authority that the chicken crossed the road. [*Wink*]
[Chickenhawk in Chief George] Bush:
The chickren, uh, chicken . . . uh . . it . . it crossed the road. [*smiles like a toddler in a Pampers Pull-ups commercial*] Because the road is evil, you know?
. . . and yet the liberal media hasn't mentioned a word about the chicken crossing the road.
Recently discovered documents, revealed to us here at Newsmax, confirm that, indeed, at least twelve chickens have crossed the road.
Crawl on Fox News:
Thousands Mourn Reagan . . . Reagan Beloved by Millions . . . Reagan Responsible For Fall of Soviet Union . . . Chicken Crosses Road . . . Nancy Said To Be "Doing Fine" . . . Reagan Known as "The Great Communicator" and "The Gipper" . . . Thousands Mourn Reagan . . .
[Consiglieri General John] Asscroft:
The chicken was a bad chicken. It was involved in pornography, so therefore I found it neccessary to annoint said chicken in Crisco [tm] and then it was executed by frying and then it was a GOOD chicken.
Len on 06.09.04 @ 01:01 PM CST